Well you all know my story to becoming a mother and I’ve touched upon the fact that it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, I thought with it being baby loss awareness week I would share with you a little bit more of my story…
My story starts when the Twins where 17 months old I had found myself pregnant again and to say I was shocked was an understatement I had two babies and here I was pregnant with baby number 3. I had all the pregnancy signs the sickness, bad skin and mood swings (one minute crying, the next jumping for joy). I had no concerns everything was going smoothly and I was all booked in for my 12 week scan.
2 weeks before my scan the twins got poorly and were taken into hospital… I was there day and night not leaving them for a second.
Well until this one day. Sitting next to chloe in her hospital bed I looked down to lots of blood, I instantly thought the worst I had lost my baby. I got rushed down for a scan but was told they couldn’t see a baby I was way to early, but I knew otherwise. I knew my dates where right and I knew I was about 9 weeks pregnant. The bleeding stopped and I went back up to be with my girls on the children’s ward.
The lady in early pregnancy had taken my bloods and told me she would ring me with my results so I was left waiting. later on that day the girls where discharged from hospital and we all went back home. I then got a call that I needed to come back to the hospital the next morning for more blood tests. I was informed that they needed to check that my hormone level was rising, so off I went back up to the hospital. I was re scaned but still no baby, my hormones where showing that my dates where right and I was in fact having an ectopic pregnancy. I will never forget those feelings.. or the questions I asked “can’t you just move the baby into the right place” and
“Is the baby alive” strangely not thinking about myself or the fact that I could of died. All I wanted was this baby, my baby, our baby, but it wasn’t to be. I had surgery straight away my right tube removed and of course my baby. I was 10 weeks pregnant and yes there was a heartbeat my baby just wasn’t in the right place and there was nothing me, Joe or any doctor in the land could do. I was cared for and looked after, I was told that I would probably struggle to conceive in the future and then I went home broken hearted and empty.
I went on to miscarry again in the very early weeks and my heart broke a little more every time I didn’t even realise that was possible. I then fell pregnant again with jasper and sadly lost his twin. I then went on to have Layla 16 months after jasper.
I then fell pregnant again after 2 years of trying we where overjoyed and was booked in for an early scan we saw our little babe at 9 weeks 3 days with a lovey strong heartbeat. Sadly at our 14 week scan our little babe had passed away and there was no heartbeat we where given lots of options but we were advised to let nature take its course but my body wouldn’t allow that. My body wanted to be pregnant. I went nearly two weeks waiting for my body to reject my baby but it just wouldn’t I eventually went in for a DNC. Totally heartbroken I didn’t know if I could do it again. I did and went on and had Ralph I sadly lost his twin but he held on tight.
We then went on to have Rupert then Arthur and then of course Percy.
I was very unsure about writing this post, But I do honestly believe it helps talking about baby loss, open your heart and let people in trust in people. You never know you might even help someone.
So If you are reading this and you are on your own journey just remember you are never alone not ever ❤️